want or need?

I do not like to pray for things I want... only things I need. I want Parker to be born but do I need him to be born? I know for sure that I need to pray for strength and patience while I wait in anticipation... to have courage during the delivery. I want Parker to be born because I love him and want to start my life with him, to snuggle him, to see him, to hold him, to see the look on Tyler’s face as he takes his son into his arms for the first time.

Then I have a list of practical reasons why I want him to be born... it can take around 4 weeks to get an Australian birth certificate processed. And we need to have his birth certificate before we can apply for his consular report of birth abroad and passport so that he can come home with us on May 18th. We also cannot get him a plane ticket or apply for a bassinet seat until after he is born. So, we are really cutting it close... and the longer he stays in, the less time we have and the more uneasy it makes me feel. 

Then of course there are the logistical reasons why I want him to be born. We are not sure how my hyper joint mobility syndrome will effect the birthing process... it was decided that a water birth would be the least painful method for me and reduce impact on my hips/leg joints. When I dislocate underwater it is not painful or even uncomfortable because the buoyancy of the water reduces pressure on nerves/bones. BUT, if I need to be induced, then I will not be able to participate in a water birth. Induction also increases the risk of other interventions needing to take place. And with the concern that Parker is a large baby because of my gestational diabetes and continues to get bigger everyday he decides to stay inside me... the chances that I will need an emergency c-section increases. Which brings us back to the time restraint of leaving on May 18th. If I need to have an emergency c-section this late in the game... will I have enough time to recover and get the go ahead by a doctor to fly for 24 hours in a plane. 

But again... these are all wants. I want everything to work out easily. I do not need things to work out easily... so I will continue to pray for the things I need... strength, patience, courage and trust.